Am I going to Hell?

This is my first attempt at blatant honesty here.

There is someone who if I could just wish off the face of the earth at this moment, I would. And probably not ever regret it.

It is a personal battle inside my mind though. I am the queen of do righting. All sorts of pc, hating to hurt feelings, making everything fair for all parties involved. I used to have the patience of a saint (before kids).

But after so many years of trying to make our relationship nice, I am over it. I don't understand what the hell is her problem, and I finally no longer care. She lives on a pile of lies and I so badly want to pull the bottom lie out and let the whole thing tumble down.

Today I said something that could make it all tumble. But she didn't catch it. I am actually sad it didn't happen.

I feel like this will make me go to Hell. But I still wish it would have happened.

It is so weird. I am not angry. But the way I feel in this situation makes me change from everything I thought I stood for.